Eddie and Jakeee
by Madisen
Summary: this story contains edfurd and jaacob yallz PLEASE READ IT I WORKED SO HARD :'
1. Chapter 1

ahh alas it was a quiet tuesday and yet in those quiet moments jacob let the thoughts of edward climb into his mind like a squirrel trying to climb into a tree to get nuts haha jacob also likes to get nuts but not from a tree lolololz but back to the basicz jacob always thought of edward and his liquid topaz eyes mmmm jacob thought his eyes are so yummiliciousss. butb utbut jacob went over him phone book as he sat on his bed with his legs up and crossed and his hands supporting his head he ran his hand over the names until he reached cullen...EDWARD cullen. jacob shirieked with joy and shivers ran down his spine. hey megan i bet u iz cringing now... but back to the story- jacob knew edward wouldnt want to speak to his arch nemises JACOB BLLACCKKK so he prank called edward. but i bet you are thinking "how did jacob get eddies numba??" well smart hiney ill tell ya how jacob went into edwards room at night and after watching him he turned on his phone and saw that his background was bella. "bella bella bella was that all he thought about?? :'(" jacob exclaimed in his mind. but now back to the present--- jacob called edfurdd and said "hay sweet thang i luv yoo." and edward said "HAAAY" but he felt gay soon after and hung up. jacob cried all night and wished that edward would just bust through his window and touch hiim with his cold hands and carry him to the beach where he would have his first kiss!!!!!!!ohhh it seemed so perfect!but jacob fell fast asleep after these thoughts and slowly went into a deep slumberlous dream and it was rated XXXX for xtreme sports lolz gotcha jacob dreamed of being a professional motorcross boii and edward was in the crowd cheering him on. then jacob woke up and ran off to the cullens house because he had to get this off of his chest that has no hair at all. carlisle answered the door lookin extra sssssssssaucy. "hey carlizzle lookin saucy" said jacob. "what" carlisle replied. "i said hey carlisle, howre the kidzz?" jacob recovered. "oh" said carlisle. "come inside.i guess" and jacob skipped inside and tripped on the welcome mat. his nose started to bleed and he ran in the bathroom crying. he cleaned up and went up to edwards door and knocked. "hello." said a chilling smexii voice. "its jacob sukkahhhhhh" said jacob. "what????" said edward."i said, it is jacob." said jacob. "oh. i suppose you can come on in." said eddie. jacob caressed the doorknob, and then sentuously licked his hand after it and opened the door. "hey" "hey" they both said at the same time. edward smirked and jacob giggled. jacob said "omg edward i want you to hold me and kiss me on the beach!!!" then edward looked horrified. jacob came closer to edward where they were almost touched and edward screamed like a wee little lass and jacob smacked his... forehead and jumped out of edwards window and landed awkwardly on a twig. he sprung to his feet and hitched a ride on the back of a mans wheelchair home,,,,,

PART 2..................

it was a fitful sleep that jacob underwent yallzz

his dreams consisted of this:

and after this disturbance, jacob woke up and started to go outside. as he did this he tripped on a rock and squeled with joy. he was alive. he went to the pond and tickled his legs and talli hoed in the water and the water rubbed him the rigghhhtttt way. back to the chase hurr jacob ran to bellas house and came out of her closet and jump on her bed and smashed the soon left and ran away he went to edwards house and rang the bell he saw carlisle and looked at him. he also saw carlisle holding a note it had some kinda writing that looked like this:

dear carlisle you are saucayyyyyyy i love your cream hair young beast lolz you gunna stay that age foreveaaaa you are gay not really LOLZ

loveeeee-

MADISEN (.)(.)

jacob didnt think much of it and said to carlisle "hey boii you like smexxi me because id go gay for that!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!11!!!"

"what??" said carlisle

"i saidddddd hey carlisle may i come in?""

"uh yes" said carlisssslleeee.

jacob ran upstairs and ran into fat rosalie and she said:

"where you going??"

jacob said:

"no where big fat fatteh SUKKAHHH!!!"

"go suck a---"

jacob cut into her words and said

"I HOPE SO!"

rosalie said:

"what?"

"i am walking up stairs is what i said."

said jacob.

"oh" said rosalie

jacob kept on upstairs and went into eddies room.........

*KNOCK KNOCKKK*

"who is it??"

edradical said

"ITS ME SUKKAHHHH"

"what??" said edward

"i said its jacob may i come in?"

"oh well....sure."

* * *

PART 3..................

Ok so our story contiinues with jakkub walkin to edddi's room.

"hay sweetie want to see me dance like the guy from vampire diaries on your couch bed with my shirt completely off??"said jacob

"what??" said edward.

"i said hey so you like my dad's new wheelchair??"

"oh. well yeah it's .yeah." replied edfurrdd.

"dankes!!" said jacob

"uh what??" said edward

"i said thanks kindly edward."

"oh. well yeah you are welcome." said edward.

"shoooooooo. still want me to dance??"

"yeh" said eddie

"kewl beanz." said jacob.

so with that jacob jumped ontop of the bed thing and started to get his groove on by dancing to "Teenagers" by MCR

jacob looked as though the music was flowing through him as he moved side to side and started to take off his shirt when carlikkazzle walked in. "oh? well i seemed to walk in the right time didnt i??" carlizzle said.

"let me join ya jacob i used to do this dance at frat parties in doctorial colleges."

and with that carlisle vampire leaped on the couch thing ripped his shirt off and started to spin it in the air like a stripper.

"and did i meantion i used to be a man stripper? i used to get payed major cashola for every birthday party i went to. you should really look into it as a career jakkkuubb."

carlisle shook his hips like shakira and it became very rhythmic and smexual. jacob tried to mimic his fluent movements."is this right docdittyoo?" jacob question with slight struggle to be as smooth.

"almost jacob, you see you need to thrust yourself out a little more like this." and then carlisle started to get a serious look on his face and shook himself around like he was having a seisure and it ended with a pelvic thrust out.

"wow you must be the most awesome man stripper that lived!." said jacob with amazemnt.

"well it has only been about 300 years so im a little rusty."

eddi just stared googly eyed at both of them.

"i think edward likes what hes seeeeeeeeees!!" said carlisle joking around because carlisle is eddies dad of course.

"ooohhoooee!!!!!!!!!!!!" jacob yelled.

eddis eyes widened.

this dance went on for about an hour and then carlisle said"hey jacob eant to take a trip to the club with me in a few hours i was going anyways- and you too edwardo."

" thatd be-"awesome." edward finished jakees sentence.

and with that jacob decided to run home and get ready.

PART 5.,.,.,.,................,.,.,..,..............................................LOLZ

ok soooz jakkub went to his house and tried on a pink dress and high heels. he hated it.

then he tried on a hello kitty shirt and sexy pink heels with metallic pink loved it.

"this outfit is EEEPPPPIIIIIICCCCCCC!!" jakkibbewbz exclaimed.

and he turned on Eye of the Tiger by Survivor danced like that asian guy icon with his hands on his hips the thrust is booty in and out if ya dont remember.

and back to the story... jacob ran back to the cullens house as fast as his cute lil heels could take rang the doorbell and carlisle ran up to the door clutching a purse and wearing a gogo girl outfit. edward followed behind with a distressed look on his face and kept his distance behind carlotzz.

"heeey edwaard." jacob said with a twnkle in his eyes and a flitter of his eyelashes.

"hay jacub." edward responded but quickly averted his eyes to the floor because he felt weird after he said that.

"well boys lets get going!"said carlisle.

so with that they all pilied onto carlisle's sporty new WAS PINK! jacob's fav color.

ok guys so we are gonna take a little trip to italy.

"why?" asked jake

"becausee, my old pals the volturi are there i used to hhang with them."

"that one caius was sexy." carlisle said with a reminiscent voice

"what?" jacob and edward rang in at the same time.

"i said oh shiz theres harry potter i hope he doesnt hex me."

"oh i see him too!!" said jacob with his face pressed up on the car window.

"jacob get your ugly as haaallleee face off of my car window!" carlisle said.

"whaaaa??" jaccc asked.

"i said feel free to look out my window as long as you want!" carlisle said with a cheery pointing of his finger and a winning smile.

"oh cool." jacob returned the smile.

"so how much longer will this be?" edward asked seemingly annoyed but was secretly excited.

"hmm about SHIZZZAM weeree heeeeereeee." replied carlisle.

"kewl beanzz!" jacob and edward both said.  
"carlisle and jacob both looked back at edward and he looked down and coughed.

"weelll uhhh lets get out and start hedin up to the castle thing."carlisle said trying to break the awkward silence

as they treked a few hundred feet they were at the tall wooden doors.

carlisle pushed the door open and said "hmm wheres that lightswitch,ah! there it is."

shielded by the darkness before, four volturi were bathing in the community bathtub.

"haayy caius" carlisle said.

"can i join yall?!?!" jacob asked.

no one said anything.

"so you guys i was thinking of hitting up the clubs in a few. so yall game?"carlisle said

".uh . they all chimed in together.

"just let us get dressed-""that wont be neccessary" carlisle said.

"uhh ok cool" they said exchanging head shaking up and downings.

"so come on we can take my car but one of you is gonna have to run outside because is have no room and of course youre gonna be naked because you guys arent wearing any clothes.."

"not it" said marcus the ugly one.

"not it" said aro the other ugly one

"not it" said the semi good looking one alec.

"ooooh looks like you gonna be the nude one caiussss!"carlisle said

jacob giggled

edward screaamed

caius was already half way out the door.

"looks like someone cant wait to be seen by the world naked! and i dont blame him!" carlisle said.

PRT $!X !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKKKK so anyways we return with caius running naked who couldve forgotten mhhmmm jamie youre foods readeeeyy!! i know that aint how you spell ready but suck it up sukkahhh

soo

..............

* * *

ok so carlisle placed his big toe on the gas and they sped off to the nearest club.

"club Equanox!!!" jacob exclaimed in his high piotched fag voice.

edward was bi polar

"SHUT THE FUCK UP edfuurrrrddd!" carlisle said

"im tired of your bitch screamin yo!" he finished

"yeah me too" jacob said solemnly

edward started to cry

"its alright son!" carlisle said in a reassuring voice.

"I LUV EDFURDDD!" jacob screamed

everyone looked at jacob.

"oh noezz yall i didnt mean it like that"

they all said oh ok and turned back around

"that was close!" jacob thought in his mind

edward was still staring at him with his TORTURED FACE OF BEAUTY or so jacob thought

then eddi turned away

"ok yall were here." carlisle said "get your game faces on.!!!"

"YAY" jacob said

edward screamed discuragingly

"man cant we leave him in the car?" aro asked

"naww i gotta take care of him hes my sonnnny/"

"ok ok" aro said in disgust

so with that they ALL went into club equanox there were bright lights and dancing freaks jacob liked it and wasnt afraid to let everyone know

"I LOVE IT!" he shreiked.

"yeah me too." edward agreed

jacob looked at him adoringly

edward returned it

jacob jumped into his arms

edfurd caught him

they hugged until caius took a picture of them with his coolpix camera and wrote faggzz over them and sent it to everyone he knew

"hay sweet thang wanna dance?" someone which was a guy who looked like richard simmons said to caius

"no thanks i uh am with him" caius said grabbing carlisle's ayuss and fake laughed

carlisle turned around with a smile and handed caius a beer

"youre gonna need a lot of them son" carlisle said

"edfurd do you love me???" jacob asked

"no not at all" edwardo said and dropped him on the ground

jacob ran to the bathroom screamin and crying and clutching his bag

when will horror end?? youll find out tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

END OF PART 

pArT S3v3N


	2. Chapter 2

jacabewbz cried and cried and all of a sudden edwardd came in and was all like:

"are you ok?"

jacaaab said:

"why you all up in my kool aid and dont even know what flava?1!"!11"

"i cant answer that" edward said

jacob loved his mysteriousness it made him feel good in a special place... HIS HEART you sick freak!

edfurd started to leave the bathroom

"NNNooOOooOOoOoo!" Jacob said

"what?" edwardo said

"i said have fun out there bro."

"oh, ok" and with that edfurd left.

jakawb tried to gain his courage and said to himself "dayum i luv edfurd he is TEH SMEX!" then he smiled and looked down he knew in his heart he and edfurd would be together and with that he walked out the door only to be greeted by carlizzle.

"ohai carlizzle wanna booty pop out there with your sweet azz?" jakawb said.

"what?" carlisle said

"i said oh hey carlisle would you like to play bop it? its sweet as cherries."

"oh. sure later jacob."

as they walked out there was TOHO blasting everyone looked around with whorer.

jakawb said ";FSDF THIS IS MEH SONG!

everyone looked at him with looks of uncertainty and he saw edfurds eyes locked on him with a look of pride.

edfurd loved TH and asked the DJ to play it.

"ME TOO!" edfurdio said.

"what?" everyone said shaking their heads with question.

i said "GAY FOOL!"

"ohh! yeah!" everyone said in agreement looking at eachother shaking their heads.

caius was drunk and started pop lock and dropping it and carlisle saw and joined he while pretending to slap that azz. "YEAH OH YEAH WHAT WHAT!111!" carlizle said. everyone looked at him confused. "DONT STARE YALL IM DRUNK I DONT WHAT TO DO WHY DONT YALL JOIN ME?"

everyone went on ze dance flor and slapped that azz on caius.

It was liek they were zombies and caius was the human flesh as they all gathered to him!


End file.
